Here I am, writing this on the cusp of graduating from college.
It’s December though, so I’m pretty alone in all of this.
My friend have either graduated six months ago and have no interest in recounting their graduation crises, or are graduating in six months’ time and want to make the most of their final months.
I, on the other hand, need to learn to get my shit together and fast.
For someone so neurotic, it’s quite fortuitous that I graduate in December though. The start to my “new” adult life coincides with the beginning of the new year. Plus, I’ll have no warm weather to distract me from finding a job – there’s nothing better to do in January anyway.
Finding a job seems to be 90% of the post-graduate struggle. I’ve sent countless emails, applications, and LinkedIn messages to little fruition. I’ve had responses and interviews, but nothing amazing has crystallized. It’s a great breeding ground for immense self-doubt. Dad was right – an English degree is a total waste.
It’s in these times that I find the most important thing to be hunkering down and tuning out the noise. Comparison is the thief of joy, or something like that. The gleaming success stories are always going to stand apart from the majority of average stories. I’m doing my best without having a nervous breakdown: that’s all anyone can ask for from me.
On top of the job hustle, I’m also finding time to tune more into myself. I’ve gotten back into a spirituality practice of sorts, even if it just consists of reading A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. Tuning out the noise, sticking to my guns, and keeping myself levelheaded.
Professionally, I’m spreading myself out there. I’m trying to say yes to everything: every interview, every message, every application that I’m remotely qualified for. I’ve had some great experiences and some that make my insides cringe, but I’m feeling stronger and more self-sufficient every time. Being an introvert on top of all of this change is difficult enough.
I haven’t cried yet – well, not that much. I’m not scared of being alone, nor do I suffer from too much FOMO, but the rituals associated with college friendship will certainly be something to miss. No watching TV in my friends’ dorm on a weeknight with a Dominos, no scheduled lunches in the dining hall. I’m not someone who has a ton of friends, but I am incredibly attached to the ones I do have. And that’ll be weird to have them at a distance. Not to mention my boyfriend – but a long-distance relationship is a whole other can of worms.
For anyone else finding themselves in a transitional time, I wish you luck. There’s a lot going on in my head right now but weirdly enough, it’s not bothering me and I’m almost able to forget it. I realize I’m in a weird boat for graduating in January and this is a post much better suited for the spring time, but I can only hope someone else finds some solace in this.